Caring About A Care Giver
By Byron Pulsifer
So many emotions and so many thoughts of being helpless come to our mind. If you know of someone who is dying, or who is seriously ill, our hearts always seem to rest squarely on that person. For those who are concerned about this seriously ill or dying person, we usually want to help, but can't. We are not miracle workers; we are not able to heal them no matter what we may think of doing or wanting to do. But, in all our concern shown towards this person there may be someone else who desperately needs our help but seems to be far away in the shadows of our minds.
The person, who we can help, however, is the care giver especially if this person is the primary person extending at home care. Day in and day out, they are constantly vicariously living with their loved ones pain and anguish. The ups and downs that seem to come and go as if in a blur are there continuously. There is no way to escape the pain, the sorrow, the incessant question of being able to cope after their loved one has died. So, what can you do?
Frequently, the care giver needs to know there is someone there who they can talk to, to confide their inner emotions, their own anguish, and their feelings of deeper and deeper entrapment in a spiraling course of disease that they can not alter. The endless trips to the doctor, medical tests that seem to be repeated endlessly, the attempts to control pain or the progression of the disease, or the 24/7 knowledge that their life will be forever changed with the death of their loved one, is their constant diet.
If you are unable to visit because of distance, you can call the care giver on the phone every week. Of course, you'll want to know how their loved one is, but you also want to know how the care giver is coping. This is the time when you want to develop your listening skills. Often, a good listener is more valuable than a great conversationalist. You want the care giver to feel free, to open up, and to spill their emotions out to you. And, your role is not to offer trite "I know they will get better soon' meaningless phrases.
For information about how ComForcare Home Care Services can help you and your family in the Pasadena area, visit www.esangabriel.comforcare.com.